


Colorless

by lives_on_chai



Category: Glee
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Broadway, Custody Arrangements, Divorce, Falling Out of Love, Gen, Getting Older, M/M, Midlife Crisis, New York City, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-09
Updated: 2017-12-10
Packaged: 2019-02-12 11:46:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12958515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lives_on_chai/pseuds/lives_on_chai
Summary: After filing for divorce from his husband of 23 years, Kurt Anderson-Hummel is about to embark on a journey of self-discovery, growing older, being a single father, and what it all means in the city that never sleeps.





	1. 1

1

Words were being spoken, but they went unheard

All he focused on was the clock.

5:23 pm, with 30 seconds till 5:24 pm.

29.

28.

27.

26.

A strong Jersey accent broke his thoughts. “Mr. Anderson-Hummel?”

“Yes.” The man spoke, and alongside him, another voice appeared.

The man turned slowly to his right to look at the source.

The other man, whose hazel eyes avoided looking up at any cost, sat there silent and aloof with his arms crossed.

The man decided to take initiative. “Sorry, what were you saying? I missed that.”

The Jerseyan, with his reading glasses in one hand and case files in the other, started again. “My mistake, I should have specified which of you I was trying to reach. I was saying you both have decided that you, Kurt,” He pointed at the man-now labeled “Kurt” with an almost forceful tone that caught Kurt off guard, “Will be given primary child custody?”

Kurt began. “That is correct-”

“Not fully.”

Kurt racked his focus on the other man who had broken his reply. He was still in the same, slumped over position.

The Jerseyan put his glasses down, ready for what was to come. “Mr. Anderson-Hummel, is there something you would like to add?”

“Please cut the shit, it’s Blaine, Mr. Valastro, and for the record, I didn’t agree to anything involving my son, alright?” The other man-Blaine- exclaimed, his distant expression replaced by one of great intensity.

Mr. Valastro nodded his head. “Well, Blaine, this is the first thing you have said that goes against your plan for an uncontested divorce.”

“Yeah?” Kurt could have sworn Blaine’s bushy eyebrows almost shot up to meet his unkempt salt and pepper hair, “Well, things change, don’t they?”

Kurt closed his eyes. He didn’t have to look to know Blaine starring right at him.

“Kurt? What do you make of this?” Mr. Valastro questioned.

Kurt turned to Blaine, who cocked his head, and smirked as if accepting a challenge. This was the opposite of what Kurt wanted that night.

“Blaine, I think we should go home and discuss-”

Blaine cut him off. “No, we should solve this right now, in the presence of our lawyer.”

Mr. Valastro let out a long breath in response, leading Blaine to glare.

“Blaine, I really don’t want to do this here again,” Kurt said, trying to keep his cool.

“Sorry,” Blaine nearly spat, “But you’re the one who wanted this, so you’re going to have to face the music.”

Kurt pulled his face away and stared out the window. The sun was beginning to set behind the NYC skyscrapers. It was a lovely autumn night, and it was turning out ugly.

Mr. Valastro also noticed it was getting late, because he saved Kurt with a- “It’s getting late, rush hour has started so now would be a good time to get a cab. We’ll resume Tuesday.”

Blaine rolled his eyes, quickly put on his coat and walk out of the room, while Kurt was left to thank their lawyer.

Mr. Valastro gave his hand a firm shake and then a pat. “You’re not religious, right?”

Kurt shook his head. “No, I’m an atheist.”

Mr. Valastro nodded. “Well, Godspeed to you anyway, son.”

Kurt silently took his Armani coat and walked to the lobby to meet Blaine.

The cab ride home was quiet, as it normally was. The only banter that took place was the driver and Kurt, telling them the address.

In reality, driving from their lawyer’s office in the Upper West Side to their apartment in SoHo should only take 25 minutes, but in rush hour traffic it took about 45.

It made the already grueling ride even more so for Kurt.

When they finally reached their place, Blaine spent a few minutes trying to get the keys out of his pocket.

“Can you hurry?” Kurt bit. He immediately held his tongue afterward, knowing he shouldn’t have said that.

Blaine mumbled, but Kurt was able to make out the “you know I can’t help it.” 

Blaine managed to get the keys out, and once inside didn’t stop until they got to their place.

Kurt opened the door to reveal a chic, almost entirely white apartment, with accents of black here and there. It was exactly the same concept and design Kurt had executed when they had bought the place nearly 19 years back with their Virginia Woolf money.

They thought it’d be the perfect place to raise their children.

With that thought Kurt began walking to his son’s room, stepping over cardboard boxes and packing tape as he did so.

“Tony?” He asked as he approached muffled gunshots and pubescent yelling behind his door.

Kurt knocked on the door, which was labeled in Carlo’s Pizza Place and Call of Duty stickers.

“Tony?” He asked again, as he tampered with the knob, and realized it was open. He opened it, revealing his 13 year old wired into his X-Box.

“Oh yeah, Brian? Well your mom can suck my fucking dick, douche nozzle!”

Kurt was so shocked; he didn’t even realize he pulled off his son’s headphones.

Tony jumped in shock. “What the-,” and then whipped around to face Kurt. His face went pale, “Dad.”

“Anthony Samuel, you do not use that language!”

“It- it was just COD sayings, guys say things like that all time.” Tony sputtered.

“Okay, but you do not say things like that. Be the bigger person, honey. And if you’re going to continue with that foul mouth, I’ll just take your X-Box away.”

“What? No, you can’t-”

“Tony.” Kurt said shutting it down.

“Fine.” Tony sighed.

Kurt smiled. He knew it would probably continue behind closed doors, but at least he managed to get through to his son in some way. 

He pressed a kiss to his son’s hair, which was dark, curly, and resembled that of his other father.

Tony grimaced. “Can I get back to my game now?”

“Yes,” Kurt replied. Tony didn't hesitate to pick his controller back up and put his headset on. Kurt was shut out, “Okay, guess I’ll see you later bud.”

Kurt still didn't know when Tony had transitioned from the sweet little boy who loved everything Disney and holding his dad’s hands as they walked through Greenwich, to the teenager who either never wanted to leave his room or who wanted to be out of the house whatever it took (there was no in-between). It was something Kurt was still trying to get used to. 

As he walked down the hallway, Kurt gazed upon all the black and white photos of him and his family. Him, Blaine, and their daughter, Dodie, when she was just born. Dodie’s first birthday. The whole family with Tony when he came home from the hospital. Dodie’s graduation. Him and Blaine’s wedding photo.

They were so much younger then, and so much more naive. They hardly knew themselves, let alone the world.

Kurt let his hand scan the face of his younger self. 

His porcelain skin had long since developed wrinkles. Not even the best skin cream could prevent crows feet, nor could hitting up the salon once a month prevent gray beginning to appear in his chestnut hair.

One thing that remained the same was his clear blue eyes. They were smiling in the picture.

Kurt glanced at the other photos. His eyes hadn't done that for a long, long time.

He slid his hand off the frame and started for the living room.

Kurt saw that Blaine had crashed on the couch, surrounded by many of his possessions he’d had yet to pack. 

He would be out of there in three days time.

Kurt didn’t quite know how to feel about it. Hell, he didn't know how to feel about this whole thing.

The day he asked Blaine for a divorce, was the day he began feeling a disconnect from everything around him. He felt like his body was not his body as if it was merely a vessel in which he existed. He felt hollow.

Kurt considered waking Blaine up and leading him to the guest room, where he had taken residence over the past few months.

He decided against this, feeling it’d be too close for comfort. It'd been so long since they had even had the simplest of human contact.

Kurt decided to just order a pizza for himself and Tony. As the phone rang, he looked across his city.

Autumn in the city was always so damn beautiful, but this year he couldn't help but sense something gnawing at him every time he looked over the horizon.

A rough voice broke his thoughts. “Hey buddy, you going to order or not?”

Kurt jolted. “Oh, sorry, can I get a half veggie half pepperoni?”

This was his reality, even if he couldn't properly feel it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Writing this just for myself, don't know how frequent or infrequent updates will be. Just trying to have a bit of fun and get some creative writing out there. Let me know what you think!


	2. 2

2 

The next morning, after Kurt saw Tony skate off to school, he swiftly ran back up the stairs to prepare the essentials for his day.

Starbucks travel mug filled with his coffee; French roast, cinnamon-vanilla almond milk, one dash of brown sugar.

Designs for _The Two Gentleman of Verona_ (set in Imperial India).

His red and black Dior scarf, YSL mossy green bullet jacket, and thrift shop satchel (his daughter really did know all the best, less expensive spots).

As he was readying himself, he took notice that Blaine must have relocated to his room sometime the night before.

Kurt expected he wouldn't be up until about noon. It wasn't as though Blaine had anywhere to be, anyway.

Kurt quickly slapped on some SPF moisturizer and hit the streets.

He took notice of the crisp air. He believed the last stretch of the year was the best time to be in New York. It was cooler, but the people seemed warmer.

Kurt had no trouble catching a cab, and in no time at all, he had arrived in Midtown at Theatre Row, home of Off-Broadway.

Over the years he had taken a great liking to Broadway's younger, and less praised, sibling. Funnily enough, Off-Broadway was where most of the Broadway shows originated.

Kurt had seen so many wonderful shows over the years. They weren't all winners, and not all went to Broadway, but all of them had touched him in some way.

When he first moved to New York he had been captivated by the lights, the glitter, the glam of Broadway, but with time he realized it was the passion and sweat of Off-Broadway that truly made its older sibling shine.

Kurt paid his cabby, grabbed his items, and headed to the Acorn Theatre, home of Two Gents, which he was currently the costume designer for.

It was true, Kurt hadn't exactly started as a costume designer.

He had made his big break as a producer and singer many years before. 

It had been nowhere easy. He and Blaine had decided to make the move back to New York from Lima about a year after they got married.

They rented out a shabby apartment in the Bronx with another couple and got jobs in Manhattan.

Blaine worked as a barista at Starbucks, which came with the bonus of them helping to pay for his unfinished college education.

After many auditions, Kurt became a permanent fixture at small time label QWR Records. It was mostly built up of LGBT artists, and Kurt sang backup on many albums.

This wasn't enough, so he also got a job as a box office telemarketer for Ticketmaster.

They worked during the day, and they also worked at night, on their passion project the one-act musical _Lima: the Story of Love, Lies, and Lyrics_. It was about them, and the struggles they faced through their relationship.

They spent many sleepless nights writing, eating ramen, trying to pay for gas and heat, and choreographing numbers for their little show.

It was hard, really hard, but Kurt looked fondly upon those days. Difficult times had brought him and Blaine the closest they'd ever been.

When the show was ready, and they had scrapped enough money together, they rented out a Black Box for one night to perform _Lima_.

Their friends, family, and co-workers all came, along with one very unexpected guest.

A talent scout.

She loved the show so much, that she set both of them up with a meeting for lead roles in a new Broadway show, _Nurseryland,_ a play off of the Garden of Eden.

They both tried out, got the parts, and the rest is showbiz history. Once they did _Who's Afraid Of Virginia Woolf?_ everything was solidified. They had accomplished their dream.

But, what comes after the dream? 

Both him and Blaine took a break when Dodie was born.

Eventually, Kurt found it much too hard to juggle being both a father and an actor, so he decided to stay at home.

He was the one who offered so Blaine could continue to pursue Broadway, but he would be lying if he said he wasn't just a bit envious.

While he was at home with the baby, Kurt began to draw and sew clothes. He had rediscovered his love for fashion.

He began collaborating with his seamstress friend, Alex, who he met doing Nurseryland.

She taught him all the principles of costume design, and he began bringing his ideas to directors he knew, both in the Broadway and Off-Broadway circuits.

He began designing a show every few years, and as his kids got older, he put more time into his costume design.

Kurt was now working full time on the Off-Broadway route, meeting with directors and seeing if they were a right fit for one another. 

His current director, Fauna, and he were essentially the perfect match. 

When Kurt got to the Acorn, he was greeted with an excitable hug by sound designer, Graham.

"Graham!" Kurt exclaimed.

"Kurt!" Graham said with equal zeal, "How are the costumes coming?"

"Oh, they're coming?" Kurt said, already reaching for his sketches, "Want to see?"

"Absolutely!" Graham shuffled closer to Kurt.

Kurt flipped his pad to his design for Julia, a strong navy blue and gold sari. 

He wanted to show the contrast between female leads Julia and Sylvia, by dressing Julia in darker colors and Sylvia in pastel colors, to show that Julia has to fight harder for affection than Sylvia.

"That's stunning Kurt," Graham inhaled sharply, "Truly captures her."

"Thank you," Kurt smiled, "That's what I was going for."

Kurt liked hanging around Graham, not only because Graham always complimented his designs, but because Kurt saw a lot of his younger self in Graham.

Sarcastic, emotional, and always bold. A young gay man still figuring out who he was, and how to go about it.

Graham suddenly let out a gasp. "Oh, Kurt! I almost forgot, and how could I fucking forget something as important as this, right? Guess what?"

"Barbra Streisand is coming to opening night?" Kurt chimed.

"No! But I wish," Graham snorted, "Okay, so it's like kind of a big deal, but I wanted to interest you in," Graham reached for his pocket, "A Cliff Bar!"

Kurt glanced at the Cliff Bar in Graham's hand but noticed something shiny on his ring finger.

"What is that?" Kurt pointed.

"Ethan asked me to marry him!" Graham squealed.

"What? Oh, congratulations!" Kurt brought Graham into the tightest hug he could muster.

"Thank you, but you're kind of crushing me there with your freakish muscles there." Graham struggled.

Kurt immediately dropped him. "Sorry, I'm just..." 

He had a flashback to his own engagement, the one before everything went to hell and back again and back and back to where they are. 

Kurt pushed those thoughts away, and finished with, "... So happy for you."

Graham's grin extended to his eyes. Kurt knew that look, he'd seen it in himself, once.

"I just can't believe he asked so soon, I thought he was going to wait a few years, were so young." Graham was 27. Kurt nearly snickered.

"Oh, not as young as I was," Kurt responded.

Graham laughed. "That's right, I can't believe you got married at 22! God! And you're still going."

Kurt's heart damn near skipped five beats. 

He hadn't brought up his marriage that much, nor had he mentioned his divorce at all.

It was something he was almost ashamed of, and something he more than wanted to keep private.

Graham continued, not noticing Kurt's sudden coolness. "I want to know, what keeps your marriage going?"

Kurt didn't want this. He had tried to avoid everything related to Blaine up till this point.

But he looked at Graham, much like how he was at that age. So full of hope and love that he and his fiancé would be together forever.

Kurt wanted to throw up all of his coffee, but instead, he formulated an answer.

"Honestly?" Graham nodded for Kurt to continue, "Veggie pizza and Moulin Rouge marathons."

Graham clapped his hands. "Ah! I love it. I love you," He grabbed Kurt's face and planted a kiss on his cheek, "I will see you later, I'm going to work on Julia's theme. The blue in your design really gave me some subtle sitar and piano vibes. See ya!"

Graham skipped to his booth in the back of the theater, and Kurt felt himself let out a long sigh of relief. 

He wondered how long he could keep up the illusion he was in a happy marriage, let alone a marriage at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn, I've never been this diligent! Don't count on it sticking, haha. Happy reading!


	3. Chapter 3

3

Kurt’s day went on as per usual. He showed his designs to Fauna, took notes on what she did and did not like, and drew up a new sketch for her while at rehearsal.

Watching the actor’s performances every day revealed subtle nuances which helped Kurt further tap into who these characters were and how their clothing would reflect it.

Besides sewing and piecing the costumes together, analyzing the script and the actor’s portrayals were Kurt’s favorite part of the creative process.

At the end of the rehearsal, all the cast members would sit in the audience as Fauna walked on stage to give everyone their notes for the day.

Ben, the actor playing Valentine, took his seat next to Kurt.

Kurt was glad it wasn't Graham, he didn't know how much more marriage talk he could have taken.

“Hey, dude,” Ben said, his slightly off-center teeth showing through.

“Hi Ben,” Kurt responded, “Great job today, you and Yazi really nailed the banter today.”

“Thanks! I’m glad I got Yazi as my Julia.” Kurt swore he damn near saw Ben’s chocolate eyes twinkle.

He knew Ben had a thing for Yazi, everyone did. Kurt tried to pull the information out of him a few times, but Ben was always so coy.

Kurt’s FaceTime alert started going off. He looked at the screen.

Rachel.

She had a thing for calling at the most unpractical times.

Kurt picked up anyway.

He saw her slightly pixelated, sunglasses covered face and she walked on the busy sidewalk.

“Kurt!” She said in her high, sing-song voice.

“Rachel!” Kurt then noticed Ben trying to get a peek, and Kurt immediately shooed him away.

He adored his whole crew, but they were such vultures when it came to his highly successful best friend.

Kurt continued. “Now is not the best time Rach, I’m still at rehearsal.”

“Oh, I know that,” Rachel shrugged off, “I was wondering if you wanted to stop by my place after the play. It’s felt so long since I have seen you!”

It had in fact been a while. Rachel was supposed to be Kurt’s best friend, his shoulder to cry on (especially then) but he hardly ever took it. He had spent the entirety of his divorce only trying to talk about it with his lawyer. Not even Rachel heard much about it or the proper reasons behind it.

“Yeah, you too Rach,” Kurt smiled softly, “I’d love to, can I be there at four?”

“Of course I’m so excited, I’ll see you soon, love you.” Rachel got out in one breath.

She hung up before Kurt could even respond.

“She sound’s excited,” Ben smirked.

“She’s always that way.” Kurt rolled his eyes.

He couldn't deny though, he had missed his oldest friend.

On that thought, Fauna got up on stage. “Before I start, I just want to say that a rat died in one of the dressing rooms, so any donations of Febreze would be greatly appreciated."

Only an hour till he saw Rachel. It was only a matter of time.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short, but you get a bit of zesty character development. Enjoy!

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Writing this just for myself, don't know how frequent or infrequent updates will be. Just trying to have a bit of fun and get some creative writing out there. Let me know what you think!


End file.
